When things don’t turn out the way you thought
Man, I love Hawaii. I love the beach. Nothing makes me feel more at home in my body than sand and water. I’ve been against sleeves for as long as I can remember, so a beach suits me perfectly.
We flew from Melbourne to our next destination, which had a stop in Oahu that we decided to make into a mini vacation (lol since the last eight months have been vacation).
And while I will not give away where we are headed next on this wild adventure, I want you to listen to the latest Can We Start Over Podcast episode. I want to talk to you about holding ourselves when things don’t turn out as we thought.
EPISODE LINK
Lately, I have held the reality that things aren’t panning out how I thought they would. I always tend to have a big dream, a big vision. And if the dream or vision shifts to a new timeline, a part of me can question if having a dream or vision is worth it. That’s when a feeling of grief or guilt or sadness comes in. Is magic worth believing in?
Without spilling too many details (I said you have to listen to the ep), our plans are changing, and the vision of what this adventure will look like is changing, too. It’s not exactly what I had envisioned. As I type that, I can feel a piece of my heart hurting. And when that happens, the voice that tells me I dream too big or don’t have what it takes to make it happen, well, she gets loud. Why? Because fear wants us to let go of love while she shakes her fist and says I told you so.
When things don’t turn out how we thought, no matter how large or small, we must hold ourselves in compassion. To be kind to ourselves. And to not fall prey to the voice that wants you to beat yourself up. In such moments, I must ask myself, am I my friend or enemy? Can I gently put my hand on my heart and say, yes, this too?
How do you act as your friend when things don’t go your way? Step one is to slow down, pause and listen. Listen to your story, your thoughts, and your self-talk. See if you can listen without judgment, just as you would for a great friend. Shifting our thoughts is a wise practice, but we can miss the medicine in our thoughts and stories if we don’t know how to listen to them. We usually get so wrapped up in believing the story that we forget we are not the thoughts or the stories. We are the one who hears.
Next, I let myself have whatever feeling I am having, which is tricky if the feeling is something like disappointment in myself or wishing I was another way. But, I let myself have the feeling while still being kind. The key here is separating the story from the sensation. Feelings are just that, meant to be felt. A wave of emotion hits the body, and we often run away for fear of being toppled over. In reality, all feelings will peak and then pass.
Next, I let myself off the hook while still taking responsibility. If that sounds counterintuitive, let me explain. I take responsibility for my actions while also seeing a larger picture of the patterns and conditioning we carry as humans. Passed-down patterns exist; we usually act out of unconscious programming. And the way we move into higher states of presence is through awareness and responsibility. My patterns, even those given to me, are my responsibility, and I will carry them kicking and screaming through Target like a three-year-old having a temper tantrum. But I don’t need to let them run the show.
Finally, I care for myself in truly nurturing ways, just like I would a sick child. I eat nourishing food, and I rest, meditate, and go for a walk. I’ve learned that beating yourself up does little to mend an experience or change anything. Real change is created through nourishing and nurturing.
We only have two choices when things don’t go as planned. One is to lie down and say okay, fear, you’re right. To sink and shrink. Two, to move in a new direction, to flow with it.
To be in the flow of life means to follow the flow where it leads. Life is a dance that requires our direct and full participation, but it also wants you to follow, to lean into the rhythm to create the masterpiece. So I commit to participating, being active, and learning the steps of the dance. And I commit to letting life lead.
Because life, source, the universe, God, or whatever you want to call this great big ball of mysterious love holding us - she wants you to LIVE.
I believe in magic. Still do. Always will